佚名/Anonyo
AcetheHole
Uandthesenewwordsorphrasesbeforeyoureadthisarticle.
1.apologetically[?,p?l?d?etik?li]adv.道歉地
2.self-estee[selfisti:]n.自负
3.subtle[s?tl]adj.微妙的；精细的
4.nspire[k?nspai?]v.密谋
5.lionizes[i?naiz]v.把……奉为名人
6.huiliatg[hju:ilieiti?]adj.丢脸的
7.pareto把……比作，比喻为
8.struggleto努力奋斗，竞争
9.persist坚持，固执于
10.capitute[k?pitjuleit]v.屈服
11.eptitude[iju:d]adj.无能
12.ferior[fi?ri?]adj.劣质
RetlyIturoafriendwhowasridgycarandaskedher,“Whatdoyoulikeaboutyourself?”Werodesilenceforseveralutes.Fally,sheturoandsaid,
apologetically,“I’tthkofanythg.”
Iwasstunned.Myfriendistelligent,charg,andpassiosheuldn’tseeanyofthat.
Iknowshe’snotalone.Lowself-esteehasbeethenuber-oneissuepgugwoeGod’sassurahathe’sabsotelycrazyabout,ostof’tbelieveheans.It’sliketheicaleditorwhotellsthecubreporter,“Ifyourothersaysshelovesyou,checkitout.”
Iorterfor12years.OneofthefirstthgsIlearnedresearchgastorywas“garbage,garbageout.”Ifyourrawdataisfwed,youendupwithafaultyn.Thesaistruewithhowweseeourselves.Ifweckself-nfidence,aybewe’rewwithfweddata.
Therealityis,hundredsofsubtleways,ourculture,faily,friends—evenourthoughtlife—nspiretoundereournfidence.Wegrowupfailiesvoidofaffiration,enuragent,andrespect—thebuildgblockstoself-nfidehenwefdourselvessackdabtheiddleofaworldthatlionizesSizeTwoHollywoodstarletsandBarbie-dollfigures.Ourpaycheck,ourtitle,orsootherartificialyardstickgivesteporaryeotheworldofTheAepted.Butourhearts,weknowitisn’treal.Howdowefdourwaytothetruth?
I’teophobia.Mybrotallthegenesrequiredtouandanuals,torepairthgs,ortoakesenseofputers.WhenIfirsthadtolearnhowtoeaputerforyjob,IwaswastheendoflifeasIk.
Ireberwithpafulcrityabegner’sputercsswherethestructortoldto“pressanykey”.Isearchedvaforthe“any”key.BytheendofthetthatIanagedaho,afaily,ajob,andaprofessionalstaff.
Whywasitsohuiliatg?BecaeIparedyselftothe10-year-oldgirldoorwhoeffortlesslysurfedtheoresearchherterpaperswhileIstruggledjttologon.Insteadofsiplyncdgthatteicalprowessisnotoneofystrengths,IncdedItbestupid.Itwasalie.
Peoplerespectasuchaswerespectourselves.That’swhytheabsenceofself-nfideelegraphtoothersnottobelieve.
ForyearsIstruggledtoreceiveapltgracioly.Ifsooedyhair,I’ddisuntit.I’dsayyhairstyleadeyfacelookfatorthatyhairwasaoylor.WhatIreallyantwas,theretbesoistake.I’notworthyard.Idon’tlikeyselfand’treallybelieveyoudo,either.Thetroubleis,ifwepersistputtgourselvesdowuallypeoplestarttobelievewe’reright.
Sotistheprobleisn’tfaultydata.Wehaveanauratepictureofourselvesorasituation,butitutethefirsttisoonechallenges.
Severalyearsago,Idisveredagrape-sizedponyleftbreast.Mydoe.Iwascertaofit!WhenIcalledthedoctortosuggestheighthaveissedthepquestion,hesistedIwaswrong.Ituldnotpossiblybeap,hesaid,becaehehadreovedit.Afterall,hewasthedoctor.
Igotoffthephone,doubtgwhatI’dfeltwithyownhand.Butfearoflethalnsequencesgavetheuragetosisthere-exae,atwhichpotheretlyaowledgedthat,yes,itdidseetobethealp.Hereoveditasendsurgery.
Inycase,IhadtohatIwasstupidbecaeIdidn’tuandteicalthgs.Yet,evenafteraowledggthatI’actuallyaprettytelligentperson,Istillhadtogrievethefactthatnoaountofcsseswouldeverpletelysolveyteicaleptitude!
AnotherlieIbelievedaboutyselfwasthatI’dbeenselfishforhavgonlyonechild.Thetruthis,Inearlydiedgivgbirthtoydaughter,andyhbanddidn’twanttoadopt.Still,Ispentyearsfeelglikeanferiorother—likeIshouldhavetrtedGodtoprotectsubsequentchildbirth.
Inowbelievethat—ycase—onechildwasGod’swillfor.I’verejectedtheioheless,IhadtogrievethatI’dneverhavethehoefulofchildrenI’dalwayswanted.
最近，我问坐在我车里的一位朋友：“你喜欢自己什么？”沉默了好几分钟后，她转向我，满脸歉意地说：“我想不出来。”