佚名/Anonyo
WhenIfirstsawher,shewaswalkgacrossthed-schoolquad.Istoodotionlessasifstunned,follogherwithyeyes.Sheistheone,Isaidtoyself.
Itwasthefirstdayofschool.WhenIaskedacssateabouther,hetoldtofetit.Shehasaboyfriend,hesaid.
AfewonthsterIheardshe’dendedherretionship.ButIwaitedatleasthalfayeartoaskforadate.WhenItelephonedherdoritoryandaskednervolyforher,Itransposedthesylblesofherfirstandstnastodicrogarble.“DneronSaturday?”Iproposed,ebarrassedandexpectgreje.“Iwouldenjoythat,”sheanswered,soundgpleased.
OnSaturdayIgreetedheratthedorandwasagaentrancedbyherloveless.Ihadadereservationsatarestaurant30ilesaway.Ilostywayanddroveailesslyonruralroadsforanhourasyexasperationounted.Shereaedgood-huored-happy,shesaid,totourvilgeswhosehistoriesshehadreadabout.
Weneverlocatedtherestaurant,andthenalostranoutofgas.Wefallyateat10p..,haburgersandfriesatadner.Inherfloraldress,withherstraightblondhairandcssicfeatures,shestoodoutaongthelocalkids.
Backatschool,Iwasreadytoapologizefortheeveng.ButIfeltherwarhandtakee,andthenshequicklykissedycheek.“Thankyouforawonderfuleveng,”shesaidsoftly.BeforeIprehendedwhathadhappened,shedisappearedtothedoritory.
Howanytishavetherebeenontslikethat,ontsofsupassggradlovethatIdoubtedtheiractuality?Montslikethedayofourarriage,whenonacrispSundayonthePacificastsheehechurherfather’sarandIgazeddowntheaisleatysoon-to-bewife.Ortheontswhenourochildrenwerebornandherfacebecaradiantassheergedfrotheunreachablerealofbortoexultation.
ButOctober15,1993,wasDifferent.Thatday,wearoseat5a..,havgahardslept.Howyourestwhenabdewillsoonseverfleshsodear?Shekissedbothofourchildrenastheyslept,buttheyirredorsaid“Goodck”or“Iloveyou,Moy.”Inthehospital,afterwesighepapers,Iwatchedhergetoafadedttongownandopairsofsocks,asiftheworstjurythatdaywouldbethechilloftheroo.
Shecriedyarsandsaidshedidn’twantthesurgery.IheldherhandasanI.V.wassertedtoherar.Inafewsendshertearsspedandsheclosedthoseeyesthathadalwaysseedsocleverandclear,butnowlookedsofearful.
FeelgfrantiddisedIkissedher,andthenshewaswheeledawaythroughtheunfivgdoorsofthesuite.Ispentthedaythewaitgroopolishgaancriptwhoseonlysignificewasitspowertodistract.
Wheuroherrootethatafternoon,onherchestwasanexpanseofbillogwhitebandagepcedbyasurgeon’shandswithaprecisionanddelicacyshewouldhaveadired.Iwasrededoftheverletshehadappliquédforourchildren’scradlewhentheywerefants.Thebandagelookedgentleandprotective—reassurgandnotasharshasIhadexpected.
Sittgbesideheradilylitroothatslledsharplyofdisfet,Irealizedthatbecaeylifewassoteredwithhers,I,too,atient.IfeltdepletedandwreckedasIstaredbnklyoutthedok-graycloudsslowlytraversgtheafternoonsky.
Itwasalost7p..beforeshestirred.Iheardheroan,andovedtotheedgeofthebed.Ilightlytouchedherlipswithanicechipfrothepitcheronherbedsidetable,andbrhedthegray-fleckedhairacrosshersweatybrow.
“Iloveyou.”Isaid.
Atthesewords,hereyesopenedhesitantly.Atfirsthergazeseednfedandunfoced,butforanstanthereyessharpenedwithregnition,andagentlesileliftedtheedgesofherouth.
“Iloveyoutoo,”shewhispered,andthenhereyelidsshut.IwasclosetoexhationanddislocatedtiasIrecalledtheontIfirstsawher.ItwasasifIwasyoungagaandthesunwasresplethesky.Sheistheone,Isaidonceoreyd’svoice.Sheistheone.
第一次见到她时，她正在校园的操场上漫步。我站在那里，目光追随着她的倩影，呆住了。她就是我的至爱，我对自己说。
那正是开学的第一天，我向同学问起她，他们说她已经有男朋友了，让我忘了她。