SendgKidsOfftoSchool
苏珊·尤尼/SanUnion
Mygirlisgogtoschool.
However,Istilluldseehowseveralweeksagotheseygitselfoutasclearlyasifithadbeenwrittenaoviescript.“Fiveoreutes,hohenwehavetoleave.”Icalledtoyfive-year-olddaughter,whohadbeenfrolickgthePacificOforthepasthour.Sherofitpoolswir,butthedeepbeseawasadifferentatter.
Maybeshedidn’thearcallghernaabovetheroaroftheo;aybeshedidhearandwasjtign—itossibletotell.
“Hey,ti’sup,wehavetogonow.”Sheturned,gavea“seeya,Mo”lookandheadedfarthertothesurf.Ispshedoutandgrabbedherar.Myshortsweresoaked.
“No!”shescread,“Idon’twanttoleave!”Shejerkedherarawayfroandphedherlittlebodyaway.
Nowshewasoverherhead.OverewithfearandrageIgrabbedher,firlythisti,andbegantherout.Shescreadandthrashedaboutlikeawildanialkedherotohard.Itstunnedherenoughtoakeherfreezeandsherhystericalravgs.Shestoodtherealostpletelyveredsandandwithherouthwideopen,uotakeabreath.
“!”IsaidthroughchedteethasIpulledheralongtowardthepaththatwouldleadawayfrothebeach.Shehoppedalongsideof,seethgandjibberg.Irealizedshewastrygtotellsothg.Heruntelligiblewordsalternatedwithjaggedsobsassheshiftedherweightfroonefoottoanother.Herfeet!Nowthatwewereoutofthesurf,thesandwasscaldghot.Ihadbeenctchgherthongsallalong.“I’sosorry,sweetie.Puttheseon.”Islippedherthongsfeet.
Thatwasweeksago.NowitwasSepteber,andIwasbathebeach,alone.AsIwalkedthebeach,tearswelledupyeyes.Iuldseetheiageofydaughterearlierthat,headgtoherfreshlypatedkdergartencssrooforherfirstdayofschool.Herneackwassngproudlyoverhershoulder.Thedesignofyellourplepuppiesandkittensverifiedhertenderyears.
I’ddrivenstraighttothebeachafterdroppgheroff.Therewassothgsoreassurgthenever-endgcrestgandbreakgofthewaves.Ihopedthepoundgsurfwouldsootheyanxiothoughts.
Ihaddreadofthisdayforyears—fivetobeexact.Idreadofthisdaywhenshewasonlyayearoldandshespentherdaysrchgthroughthehoeunsteadily,learngtowalk.Iwassohatsheightaiherself.Ifollowedheraround,hwitharsoutstretchedlikeagiantbear.
Whenshewaso,Ineededabreakfrofull-tioyhoodbadly.Ihadleftherwithyparents.Scethejobrequiredonfrequeours,wheneverIheardhertylittlevoiceoverthelong-distancephoneles,yvoicecrackedsobadlythatIuldhardlyanswerherback.
Andthispastsur,ourdaysonendofbegnstantlytogethercaedhertodeandyunfailgattention.Asthesur’sheatgreworeoppressive,Igotlistlessbutshebecaorespirited.EverydayIheard,“Mo,let’sgotothepark,let’sgotothebeach,let’sgototheWildAnialPark,let’sgo,let’sgo,let’sgo.”
Whythetearsthen?Ispedwalkgandsatonaroughrock,onalovelybeaagloriodayfeelgiserable.Ishouldbehappy,Ithought.Noorecessantchatterbelvehoursaday.NowIuldthkfree,unctteredthoughtsastreaofedideas.IwouldbefreetogobacktoschoolorstartthebessI’dbeenthkgabout.Iuldgoshoppgbyyself.Iuldrollupthedowsycar,pickadsgattheofyngs.
Thetruthis,I’disshavgherbyyside.I’dbeeedtohavganstantpanionforthepastfiveyears.“Don’tworry,Mo,we’llstillhaveourafternoonstogether.”shehadreassuredatthebreakfasttablethat.
Withthatthoughtd,Illectedythgsoffthebeadheadedforycar.Itwastitogopickupybaby—froherfirstdayofschool.Oh,yangel,Iwaslookgforwardtospendgthewonderfulafternoontogether.
女儿就要上学了。
然而，我还清晰地记得几个星期前的情景，它就像被写在电影剧本里一样在我眼前浮现。“宝贝，再玩五分钟，五分钟过后我们就得走了。”我对五岁的女儿喊道。她已经在太平洋里嬉闹了一个小时了。尽管她是游泳池中的高手，但是在这深蓝色的海洋里就不尽然了。
或许是游在海洋咆哮声中的她没有听到我喊她的名字，或许她听到了，只是不在意我的话——这很难说得清楚。
“嘿，宝贝，时间到了，我们得走了！”我对她说道。她给我一个“再见了，妈妈”的眼神，转身向更远处的海浪游去。我冲了过去，抓住她的胳膊。我的短裤都被浸湿了。
“不！我不想走！”她尖声喊叫着，使劲挣脱了我的手，游得更远点儿。
此时，海水已经超过了她的头顶。我战胜了恐惧与慌乱，这一次紧紧地抓住了她，并开始拖着她向岸边游去。她尖叫着，像掉进陷阱的野兽一样踢打着。细沙粘在我们潮湿的皮肤上。
现在，我已经被气得浑身发抖了。接下来发生的事情令我难以置信。我朝她的屁股上重重地打下去。女儿被这出乎意料的举动惊呆了，停止了歇斯底里的狂躁举动。她全身沾满了沙粒，呆呆地站立在那里，嘴巴长得大大的，惊讶得喘不过气来。
“快走！”我从牙缝中挤出这句话的同时，推着她沿着离开海滩的小径走去。她气愤而犹豫地在我身边一跳一跳地走着。我意识到她有话对我说。当她把身体的重心从这条腿上移到另一条腿上时，她含含糊糊的话语变成了断断续续的哭诉。她的脚！现在已经离开了海水，沙子被太阳晒得滚烫！而她的鞋子一直抓在我的手里。“我很抱歉，小甜心。快把鞋子穿上吧。”我把鞋子穿在她那被烫得颤抖的脚上。